a tale of an aluminum capitalist
I've been sorta angry today. Angry about my foot and leg pain and angry about communication. There have been a few different experiences/situations today that have involved shitty communication between people--sometimes with purposeful actions that have angered me and sometimes things that have not been purposeful. I don't even know why I'm bringing it up here; I just sat down to this and figured I'd write something.
On a different note, I can take this opportunity to mention how I made some money recently (and I'm talking about some serious cash). I guess you could say I'm practically gainfully employed now. It all started when Jen and I decided we should really get rid of our old aluminum cooking pots. There are questions and uncertainties regarding the health risks of using aluminum cookware. You almost certainly scrape off pieces of aluminum in the process of using them--sometimes microscopic fragments and sometimes, if you are like me anyway and use whatever metal utensil happens to be at hand (fork or otherwise) to scrape at whatever you just burned the hell out of off the bottom of the pot, possibly big scraps and slivers.
Anyway, all that is supposed to maybe, possibly, but probably almost surely be pretty rotten for you. At first we thought we'd drop the pots off at the nearby Goodwill but then realized that that's a pretty classist thing to do. I mean, aluminum pots aren't good enough for us, because we'd like to minimize, to the degree possible, environmental factors that might contribute to brain health problems as we age but aluminum cookware is good enough for anyone who can't afford steel, ceramic, or glass pots and pans. See what I mean? It's the same as thinking, well, this crappy thing, whatever it is, is gonna be a health risk, so I'll just give it to someone else with less access to income because, of course, something is better than nothing and they should just be damn happy that I'm so generous.
So, then we had the idea that we should recycle the aluminum. I unscrewed the knobs and handles (and when I couldn't do that, shattered them with a hammer), loaded up the three pots in my bike basket, and took them down to this metal place that I've been to before when I worked for the nursery. It's kind of a weird place; whole yards full of junked metal stuff and warehouses with a guy warming himself by a propane heater in the winter while cutting the cords off of cell phone chargers and throwing them into a huge mound of wires. At least, that's what I remember from my nursery trips.
Well, this time I was there on my own, with three pots worth their weight in gold. Or aluminum, anyway. The guy working in the aluminum district of the metal metropolis took a look at them and put them on a scale--they weighed in at just over three pounds! He did some quick calculating, filled out a carbon-copy invoice thing, and then gave me $1.65! Not knowing what to do with such an exorbitant amount of cash, I quickly left before I did something irrational with it. Gripped by an unknowable force, a passion, I biked home in a blur of unimagined riches and gargantuan desires.
I've heard that all it takes to make someone a capitalist is to give them a little money and, wow, is that ever right. You know, now that I've been exposed to the lure and lust of cold cash, I understand the lengths capitalists go to make profit. My own desire for material wealth now knows no limits, nothing is out of reach, and no means to profit are off-limits. In fact, I think I've finally figured out what I was put on this earth for--aluminum scavenging, and reaping the benefits thereof. No pot, no pan will escape the designs of my plan. Just as every dollar, every penny will succumb to my inexorable will. I am an architect of capital accumulation! I am a magnet to the metal that is cash.
On a different note, I can take this opportunity to mention how I made some money recently (and I'm talking about some serious cash). I guess you could say I'm practically gainfully employed now. It all started when Jen and I decided we should really get rid of our old aluminum cooking pots. There are questions and uncertainties regarding the health risks of using aluminum cookware. You almost certainly scrape off pieces of aluminum in the process of using them--sometimes microscopic fragments and sometimes, if you are like me anyway and use whatever metal utensil happens to be at hand (fork or otherwise) to scrape at whatever you just burned the hell out of off the bottom of the pot, possibly big scraps and slivers.
Anyway, all that is supposed to maybe, possibly, but probably almost surely be pretty rotten for you. At first we thought we'd drop the pots off at the nearby Goodwill but then realized that that's a pretty classist thing to do. I mean, aluminum pots aren't good enough for us, because we'd like to minimize, to the degree possible, environmental factors that might contribute to brain health problems as we age but aluminum cookware is good enough for anyone who can't afford steel, ceramic, or glass pots and pans. See what I mean? It's the same as thinking, well, this crappy thing, whatever it is, is gonna be a health risk, so I'll just give it to someone else with less access to income because, of course, something is better than nothing and they should just be damn happy that I'm so generous.
So, then we had the idea that we should recycle the aluminum. I unscrewed the knobs and handles (and when I couldn't do that, shattered them with a hammer), loaded up the three pots in my bike basket, and took them down to this metal place that I've been to before when I worked for the nursery. It's kind of a weird place; whole yards full of junked metal stuff and warehouses with a guy warming himself by a propane heater in the winter while cutting the cords off of cell phone chargers and throwing them into a huge mound of wires. At least, that's what I remember from my nursery trips.
Well, this time I was there on my own, with three pots worth their weight in gold. Or aluminum, anyway. The guy working in the aluminum district of the metal metropolis took a look at them and put them on a scale--they weighed in at just over three pounds! He did some quick calculating, filled out a carbon-copy invoice thing, and then gave me $1.65! Not knowing what to do with such an exorbitant amount of cash, I quickly left before I did something irrational with it. Gripped by an unknowable force, a passion, I biked home in a blur of unimagined riches and gargantuan desires.
I've heard that all it takes to make someone a capitalist is to give them a little money and, wow, is that ever right. You know, now that I've been exposed to the lure and lust of cold cash, I understand the lengths capitalists go to make profit. My own desire for material wealth now knows no limits, nothing is out of reach, and no means to profit are off-limits. In fact, I think I've finally figured out what I was put on this earth for--aluminum scavenging, and reaping the benefits thereof. No pot, no pan will escape the designs of my plan. Just as every dollar, every penny will succumb to my inexorable will. I am an architect of capital accumulation! I am a magnet to the metal that is cash.
posted by matt iv at 8:33 PM
4 Comments:
ROFL!!!!!!! I don't even know how to comment on this!!! It's so freaking funny!!!
Haha! $1.65.
I agree with the whole aluminum-probably-not-good-for-human-consumption thing, though. New cookware is so bloody expensive, though!
You couldn't make something like this up "It's kind of a weird place; whole yards full of junked metal stuff and warehouses with a guy warming himself by a propane heater in the winter while cutting the cords off of cell phone chargers and throwing them into a huge mound of wires."
That sounds like a great line out of some kind of Science fiction book.
I picture a desert along some less traveled highway, some guy that hasn't shaved in days, covered in grease, wearing dirty coveralls and only has a few teeth.
I think you would be a great book writer, maybe you should explore that avenue - it could perhaps fill that malicious capatilist inside of you!!
All jokes aside though, I think you would make a great writer and I think you would have some great stories to tell about your travels and some how to's on several topics.
Also, good point on the donating of the pans - I had a similar situation with teflon and I ended up throwing them away - felt horrible about filling some landfill with that junk, but...
Now we are on our last of the teflon and are using our steel pans.
Thanks for the nice comments. Yeah, that teflon gunk is some mysterious stuff. Sometimes you can find good cookware at thrift stores; I've found a steel pot and also noticed a few other steel, glass, and even a cast iron skillet at one of the thrift stores here.
Of course, the last two sentences of the second to last paragraph and the entirety of the last paragraph are completely untrue. I guess I was stuck in some humorous mood, and it was tongue-in-cheek. I understand capitalism as an economic system responsible for exploitation, oppression, and wrapped up in a whole lot of -isms. And I think that we both can and must, if we care about the earth and its beings (human and nonhuman), extricate ourselves from capitalism and create or remember other ways of being, other systems of interaction and organization.
that is awesome. makes me think about not using my Teflon pots and pants, i have heard they are not good to cook with. but i think my other set is aluminum? i need to look into this.
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